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Go to a second hand store and buy a pair of men's used size 14-16 work boots.2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo Magazine.3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazines.4. Splash a little watered down rusty red paint on the sidewalk.5. Leave a note on your door that reads:"Bubba,Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house.Better wait outside. Be right back.Cooter"These are compliments of Larry--A farmer had 3 lovely daughters, all who had dates on Friday night. One by one the local boys came by to pick them up.The first boy arrived and said: "Hi, I'm Eddie, I'm here for Betty, we're going steady, is she ready?"The farmer called Betty and she and Eddie went on their way.The second boy arrived and. Christie, I'll be sure to tell him."I put the phone down. Christ. How'd she know we were here, anyway? Dad told her, of course. He always stays in touch. In his job he has to. For me, though, just one more boring thing to do. So boring. So bored. I looked out the window. The lake was calm this early in the morning but I was already sweating. It was going to be hotter than hell later, no surprise this time of year. Mom and Dad and Jeff wouldn't be here until afternoon, they said.I wandered over and sat down on the ottoman. Crap. Nothing to do. Sandy wouldn't have this problem, no, not her. Everyone liked her. What's not to like about a blonde ex-cheerleader, slim, not an extra ounce on her smooth gentle curves?It's not as though she wasn't nice to me. She was. So were the guys. After all, when you're after a hot girl it pays to get on the right side of her roommate, right? Funny thing, though, once they were on Sandy's radar I seemed to drop off theirs. Why is it that people think.
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