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I'd been trying to convince myself I didn't need it, but Jen was good at picking up on stuff like that.Later, though, amidst the cleanup chaos, when Jen and I were trying to stuff armloads of wrapping paper into Grandma's ridiculously tiny trash can, she leaned over and whispered in my ear. "That's not all I got you," she said. I started to ask about it, but Uncle Charlie came in with a bigger trash bag and she clammed up. Oh, I thought. That kind of present. She was gonna do something sexy for me! That had to be what she meant. I tried not to let my excitement show, but Jen kept looking at me in a way that told me she knew exactly what I was thinking. Trouble was, I was thinking an awful lot. What could she be planning? What could she do for me that she hadn't already? And since she'd said she wasn't ready yet, actual sex was probably out of the question. I wondered if it was sexy underwear, and man, would that be awesome. Just imagining it was getting me going downstairs. So you. And God looked down and saw that it was good.Then God considered the function of bladders and decided seniors would have additional calls of nature, requiring more trips to the bathroom, thus providing more exercise. God looked down and saw that it was good.So if you find as you age, you are getting up and down more, remember it’s God’s will. It is all in your best interest even though you mutter under your breath. Nine Important Facts to Remember as We Grow Older#9 Death is the number 1 killer in the world.#8 Life is sexually transmitted.#7 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.#6 Men have 2 motivations: hunger and hanky panky, and they can’t tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.#5 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.#4 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.#3 All of us.
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