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All I needed now was a goddamn crow on the windowsill!"If you'd leave your cell phone on, I wouldn't have to torture you with that doorbell, Jeff. I see you still get your morning wood," chuckled my ex-wife, Janice, as she focused on the little guy standing at attention for morning inspection. "It's considered polite to wear clothes when you answer your front door, although I personally have no objections to your new, casual style."I looked down and realized I wasn't wearing my boxers. That seemed odd to me. Why would I forget to wear my boxers to bed? Why was Janice ringing my bell so damn early in the morning?"I hate to get you out of bed so early, Jeff, but I thought you would be getting up to eat ... lunch," she chuckled. "I promised Kendra that I'd pick up her cell phone and drop it off at her dorm as long as I was going in that direction anyway. She said she left it in your bathroom."With that, Janice started toward the bathroom, which was across the room from where we stood.. " SIR? "I bought this yesterday in Dallas, once I knew that you were coming home soon. I hoped to wear it for you." Let me see the fuckin' receipts." She wasn't going to be allowed to have anything she said go unchallenged.She rose and walked down the hallway to the guest bedroom, her hips swinging. How do women do that? I looked after her, and all I could see was the rise and fall of her buttocks, encased in a pale green lacy pair of boy shorts. No boy ever looked that good. She came back in a moment with a register receipt from 'Shoppe for Him – a specialty clothing store for His pleasure.'"It says here that you bought two complete sets of 'In the mood' garments," I said. "For $523.50." Yes sir." Again with the 'sir.' "The other one is in blue. I can get it if you want. I thought the expense was warranted, sir, if I hoped to save my marriage." What's with the 'sir?'" I've given this a lot of thought. You deserve to punish me. You need to punish me. And I need to be punished, whether.
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