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Surprisingly, she grabs my hand tightly and pulls me into herapartment.Her place is so warm and friendly compared to my sparse place. HerChristmas tree is large and with a sinking feeling, I see a pile ofpresents. She obviously had a big Christmas planned with her family orsomeone and she was just taking a little pity on me."I don't want to be a bother," I mumble."Are you kidding me," she says. "It just took me a lot of nerve to comeget you and no way are you leaving now."She leads me to the couch, but instead of letting me sit there, shegently pushes me to sit on the floor. "I believe Santa has been herefor you."I'm stunned and embarrassed as she leaves me to retrieve the presentsunder her tree. In my self-pity about being alone I never thought toget her a present. I'm even more shocked to see that all the presentsare for me."I-I didn't get you anything," I stammer.She plops on the coach behind me, with a leg on each side of me. For asecond I feel like a little kid at Christmas.. The last time she’d rejected me, my ego had taken a big hit. How could Tami say no to me? In my mind, we were a team where it was us against the world, and we planned to conquer it. What I found was she said she loved me ... but not right now. It would be some fantasy ‘someday’ scenario.Then Brandon had staged it to appear that she and Alan slept together. As horrible as that turned out to be when we discovered he’d raped her, it probably saved me. The sight of the two of them naked in bed and the used condom had finally changed my expectations. It put me in the frame of mind that maybe Tami wasn’t who I would end up with. To be honest, I still didn’t know who that ultimately would be.It had taken me almost a year to get over her. I know it sounds crazy that even after all the anguish, I would still have deep feelings for Tami. But she’d always been ‘the one’ in my mind, the girl I just knew I would grow old with. I still had knee-jerk reactions when I was around her. As much as I.
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