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Pat mutters something about lawyers on his way out to her job at Hooters. I doze off on the couch from such a rough morning. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! What the fuck? I ask myself, when did Pat install a solid brass door knocker? Nothing worse than Tuesday morning Jehovah Witnesses, and I’ve had it up to here with them. The pellet gun I stole from my grandma looks just like a real .45, so I sling open the door and take a shot. Instead of white-shirted Jesus freaks running for their lives, Olga just winces and rubs her forehead. I think I made her angry. “Here for to clean da place.” she grunts. “please to tuck gonads in.” I grab my machinery with both hands and leverage it all back into my leopard print speedo. Olga is staring at what looks like a sturgeon and two bowling balls in a fishing net as she marches past me into the place. She gives the dog the evil eye when she gets to the hallway and gets a noseful – but the mutt is smart enough to dash away. I laugh again because. ‘So, did you clean up the mess in the laundry room?’ ‘That I did, though it would’ve been easier with an extra hand.’ ‘Well, next time cum in somebody’s mouth. That beats cleaning up.’ ‘How about yours?’ ‘I don’t think so.’ ‘Why not? You obviously want something from me. You wouldn’t be here talking to me if you didn’t.’ ‘I don’t swallow.’ ‘No? But you have the habit of looking.’ I looked away, embarrassed yet again and he laughed at me. ‘Don’t worry, I like looking too. I find it an extreme turn on, as a matter of fact,’ he slid closer to me until our knees were pressed together. ‘Have you ever tried touching yourself outdoors?’ ‘No way!’ I snorted through my nose, edged away from him slightly, but he pulled me back toward him. Our knees clashed against each other. ‘All right, fine. How about in front of a camera?’ ‘No …’ ‘It’s a thrilling pleasure, Kim, it’s more thrilling than anything you’ve ever tried. Would you like to?’ ‘It depends.’ ‘On what?’ ‘On the place you’re willing to.
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