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It's always there.When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you don't have to worry too much about them intentionally hurting you. That's because everything small memory you've over analyzed hits you across the face over and over. You're constantly hating yourself because this one person was so important to you and now she's gone. “I should've done..” “Why was I so..” “No wonder she doesn't..” Those thoughts are toxic and seizes up your body.When you're in love with someone who doesn't love you back, you get so ******* close to hating them. You hate that they've ripped you open, eaten you up and have left you to decay. You hate that they have let you hate yourself more than you could ever hate them. You hate them because of the things they gave you which weren't all good. And the things they stole. Like crying on their shoulders which they gave, but your pride they took.When you're in love with someone for the first time and they don't love you back, you never want. "Maybe all he needs is a good meal, and he'll be on his way." I don't know," Jackie said again. "But, you know, he sort of puts me in mind of Cumulus." Can't be," Mark smiled, realizing Jackie was softening. "He's nowhere near as ugly as Cumulus was."Cumulus had been the scroungy old mutt that had been the watchdog at the gliderport in Colorado where Mark and Jackie had worked for a few weeks while on their honeymoon. Outside of a tendency to chase airplanes and gliders until he'd been dinged by a propeller, he'd been the perfect watchdog: friendly and playful toward visitors during the day, but with a tendency to rip throats out first and ask questions later of anyone snooping around the place at night. "He just showed up here one day," he owner of the gliderport had said. "He saw that there was a job to be done, and that he was just the dog to do it."Mark shook his head. That had been a long time ago. Cumulus hadn't been a young dog then, and it had been what? Sixteen years, next.
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