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.”“Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early...”“I was driving along when I saw two kangaroos copulating in the middle of the road causing me to ejaculate through the sun roof.” (from an Australian claim form)“The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind.”“I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.”“I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the hood. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.”Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?A: Travelled by bus?The claimant had collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were -Q: What warning was given by you?A: Horn.Q: What warning was given by the other party?A: Moo.“I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This. ” Grandma sighed.The old women tried to get up but Jess stopped her. “We already had dinner. Timara made it.”“What a good—girl.”The youngest female in the house, Timara was of a slight build and weak disposition. Because of this she felt like a burden and did her best to help around the house, anointing herself the maid of the house. As family, they would not have turned her out on the streets even if she wasn’t of use. Jess had to admit she did a fine job of cleaning up after them and filling their bellies.“I know that you girls are going to do some kinda crazy to get a man. You better not get Timara involved.”“Of course not.”Before the old woman nodded back off to sleep, Jess had a question to ask while the woman was willing to talk. “What caused the gas?”Before closing her eyes, Grandma mumbled “Us.”The next morning, Jess was awakened by Lara and May, both girls grinning over her. “I take it you two found it.”May spoke first. “You should have seen her, Jess. Lara had these two.
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