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Then he rolled off, sliding out of her. He slumped onto the floor next to the ottoman, making another deeply satisfied noise.She lay still, tied firmly in place, mourning the near-miss of what had promised to be a very strong orgasm. She was strangely accepting, however, of his right to use her in whatever way he wanted. If another boyfriend had treated her like this in the past, she was sure the relationship wouldn’t have lasted very long. In fact, she could think of several assholes she had dumped for the very same thing. Except, she felt certain, it wasn’t the same thing. Erik could be, and usually was, an amazingly attentive lover. Somehow, it was also exhilarating for him to use her purely for his own satisfaction. She realized, paradoxically, that it made her feel powerful, as though she had so driven him to desperate sexual craving that he had thrown aside his normal thoughtfulness and simply taken her. Indeed, there was something brutally masculine in his assumption of. When you sent me here you sent all that pain here too." "No, please," I said, shaking my head. "All those years, so much pain. But I took it all, I'm strong. We're strong. You knew I never went away, couldn't go away. I'm you, you're me, why can't you accept that?" "I never meant to hurt you." "I know, you did what you had to do. But that wasn't without consequence. All those years, if only you could have let me out. I know why you couldn't, but now we're paying for it. All those years, so much pain, so much anger, so afraid to let anyone close for fear that they'd find out the truth. So afraid that they'd see me." "That's all done now," I said defensively. "Is it? Then why are you doing it again?" "Doing what?" "Pushing him away." "What does that have to do with anything?" I demanded. "Everything. What are you afraid of, him or me?" "I'm not afraid!" "Aren't you? I'm changing, are you willing to see that?" "Changing?" "Yes," she said, and in literally the blink of an eye she went.
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