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As I stressed to Trudie, it is sadness that filled my heart (when I look inside my own heart), but that joy also filled my heart. For your happiness was a gift to overcome the imbedded sadness I recognise as your own locked ward to bury life’s demons of pain. Our previous conversations to a build deeper connection had illustrated your paths and life choices, so I recognised the suffering of love that you have endured. It is true that I long for your life to be filled with the passionate sharing of the lovers’ path, and that is what you tell me you desire so much to attain with your new man. Trudie looks at me without any expression of compassion as I explain this to her. Does she feel the pain and joy in my voice as I relate my feelings about your choice to share your heart with another to her? Why doesn’t she understand just what this will mean to you, if you can make it work. As someone who cares so much for you, it is easy to share the joy and trepidation that you feel in making. ****************** With my mind relieved, I tackled my vow of sobriety concerning the elixir with gusto. I kept my thoughts as far removed from it as possible, and continually told myself, ‘never again’ as far as its use. I even kept my thoughts fairly pure as they related to any extramarital partners for Karen and me, given my mental influence of those around me. This wasn’t too difficult to do. Karen and I continued to rage in passion for each other, and spent many an hour or three ‘playing together’ every morning and night. When I wasn’t occupied with Karen, the rest of my time was spent trying to fix the disasters Kendall had left me at work. These occupied most of my waking thoughts outside of my marital sex life, and kept my mind squarely centered on those problems, alone. So, for the first week of my ‘sobriety,’ things were going pretty well. As far as I could tell, Karen wasn’t diddling with any of the neighbor’s kids, particularly Barbara, and none of the other women in my.
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