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" I was finding it hard to speak, stumbling over my words. "Long story short, I developed feelings for Matthew, intimate feelings that I did not understand. Never in my life had I ever had such feelings for a man, not even for my closest friend, Baz, which, BTW, he knows nothing of this." I told her of my acceptance and decision to tell Matthew. "I knew he would probably head for the hills, me an older man…ten years older, preving on a young, good looking man. But to my surprise, he told me he felt the same about me." I was not prepared to give sexual details, but told her it happened and for a while, I was okay with it. "Then realization of what was going on hit me like a ton of bricks, and I knew it was not what I wanted. I cared for him, but I did not want to be sexual with him any longer, so I broke it off. Thankfully, he left the firm for another job." "Wow, I am stunned," she said. "How long did this go on?" I told her it was almost 2 years. "We lived together, pretty much as a. She knelt beside Arrian and laid her hand on his chest. I thought his breathing seemed a little easier.I saw Cindi looking at Arrian intently after he gave up the sphere for Becky, and my heart gave a little flutter. I had never seen that particular look on Cindi's face before, but I had seen it on some of the other girls' faces and I knew what it meant. My little Cindi was in love!My heart gave a little flutter, but not because I was jealous. I loved Cindi completely, but it wasn't like Amy, and we both knew it. Neither Cindi nor I had ever had any illusions about wanting to be married to each other. We loved each other completely, enjoyed sex together immensely in expressing that love, and we both knew that would not stop, even when she was married. She was my Protector and Guardian, my Tarqa Defender, and as such, we would always have a special brand of closeness, physically, mentally, and yes, sexually. She might even live with us, to be close to me. But we both knew she would be.
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