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My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details of everything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. I am not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage in my golf bag.The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I get lost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. I keep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it’s red] phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and was standing in line at Barnes and Noble talking to my wife and everyone in the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. I had to take my hearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the lady inside that gadget was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a long time. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say, “Re-calc-u-lating.” You would think that she could be nicer. It was like she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep. I ask you to perform a little ceremony for me. Vicky, I want you to take the engagement ring off Dan’s left finger. Please do that now. Next, Karen, please remove Dan’s wedding ring, and place it on the fourth finger of his right hand. Now Vicky please put the ring back, next to the wedding ring. Thank you. You may have another use for your rings soon.”“Vicky, I hope you don’t think that I was using you because I’m not. I knew Dan would be going to the scene of my accident, and visit the two crosses, on the anniversary of my death. I knew that Anderson’s variety store was the only one that sold the Honey Butter that Karen and Dan loved to spread on their toast. I’m the one who arranged for the tire on your Hummer to go flat at the variety store, so Dan would change the flat for you. Then you’d invite him for a coffee as a thank you, then you’d give him a good fuck.”“But that isn’t how it happened. There was the car accident and that woman getting hurt! That’s how Dan and I met, not.
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