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Before the lockdown started, I bought a full-length mirror for my bedroom. It’s been propped against the wardrobe, across from the foot of my bed, waiting for Da or my big brother to come over and hang it on the wall for me. I woke up on the first morning of the lockdown and I sat up in bed. There was the mirror, opposite me. My reflection had that sort of blurry still-half-asleep look, with big-bad-bed-hair and puffy eyes. But hey, she was sorta pretty, I thought. You know, I’d do her. And, knowing that I had nothing else to do, I thought I’d start the day on a high note. I wiggled down the length of the bed so I was sat on the edge, directly opposite the mirror. “Hello, pretty,” I said to myself.You have to love yourself. I learned that early on. If you don’t love yourself, you can’t expect anyone else to love you. That’s not to say I think I’m perfect. Far from it. I’m really critical of my appearance; but working in theatre requires confidence, and you have to work with what you. Even covered by her tracksuit, looking at her body was turning me on. I was on the verge of pitching a tent in my pants. I adjusted myself so that she wouldn’t notice, pulling a pillow onto my lap. Normally I don’t stare and get myself so worked up when she’s around, but the dream I’d had was still swirling around in my head. Of course it was only a dream, what else could it be? What were the chances that any of it had really happened? I decided that it must have been a dream, and not to bother getting my hopes up. I would have left it at that, but at that moment I smelled something that made me think twice. No one in the house, not dad, Kelly, and certainly not me, smoked at all. But right then I caught the whiff of the faint smell of cigarette smoke in the air. I looked around, but there was no one wearing a red suite watching me. I relaxed, but decided that there was no harm in trying it out. After all, what’s the worst that would happen if it didn’t work? She’d just get confused.
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