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"Then she exclaims, "Shit, look at what has happened!"I look and see big hole in the ground and an empty gurney on its side. Liz yells, "Jens!!!"Present – Jens – at the cabinMy plan worked almost perfectly. I got the fucking bomb (yes the bastard Mike had someone put a bomb inside of me) out of my chest, but it must have had some sort of anti-tamper mechanism. The instant I had it out of me, it started whining and vibrating, so I threw it as far as I fucking could but it wasn't quite far enough. When the damn bomb detonated, it blew me off the gurney and into a fucking patch of prickly pear cactus. I knew better than to try to get out of the cactus because every movement just caused more of the fucking spines to attack me. I tried my best to relax because I knew the explosion would bring the troops running. It wasn't long until I heard Liz frantically yell, "Jens!"I call out, "Liz, I'm over here and need some help."Liz and the other woman that Thom told me was Inga run up and I order,. There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.Minutes later, he returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it’s going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his boat back in the garage, quietly undresses and slips back into bed. There he cuddles up to his wife’s back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, “The weather out there is terrible.”To which she sleepily replies, “Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that shit?”This one is compliments of Mario.The Reverend John Flapps was the pastor of a small town church in Ireland. One day he was walking down the High Street and he noticed a young lady of his congregation sitting in a pub drinking beer.The Reverend wasn’t happy. He walked through the open door of the pub and sat down next to the woman.‘Mrs Fitzgerald, ‘ he said sternly. ‘This is no place for a member of my congregation. Why don’t you let me take you home?’‘Sure, ‘.
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