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‘I know you think this old man’s lost his marbles or never had them in the first place, but I haven’t. Please listen to me. Please.’ His voice was clear and lucid and his words carefully articulated – enough that she decided to forego sedation, at least for the moment. ‘Okay, what’s wrong?’ she asked. ‘Do you feel like you’re breathing okay, moving enough oxygen?’ ‘No, no,’ he said dismissively. ‘I feel fine. Or at least as fine as I can under the circumstances. My pants…there would have been a pocket watch in one of the front pockets, probably the left one, but maybe the right. It’s a precious family heirloom,’ he lied. ‘It’s also very old, dating back to before the 1800’s, even.’ That much was true, at least as far as it went. She looked around the room for the plastic bag that usually held the patient’s clothes. ‘I don’t see it. Let me check your chart. Ah, here it is. After you were admitted, one of your sons, Leonard, took your clothes home with him.’ He breathed a sigh of. He shut his eyes and took a few more steps, butsomething seemed to squish beneath his feet. The ground felt wrong. Heopened his eyes to see that, strewn right across the street, there werehundreds of purple-"Ah," he yelped.They were purple sausages. But they didn't quite look like sausages. Hepicked one up and looked closer - then suddenly dropped it, realisingwhat it was.It was a penis. They were all penises. Penises of all shapes and sizeslittering the street. John thought this highly amiss, but assumed that whatever he'd takenlast night must still be affecting him. What had he taken last night?Where was he last night? What did he do? All these questions and morefurrowed his brow. He couldn't even remember what he was doing 12minutes ago, let alone 12 hours.So off he went to work. He worked in a large office block in the middleof London, and everywhere he went he kept finding more willies. He evencame upon the occasional testicle or two, but tried to ignore them andact like nothing.
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