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He told me about some ofthe boys he had known back home that had been with other guys, andmentioned that guys who took the exclusively feminine role inrelationships were highly sought after by other young men. After that, hegot up, got us both a Coke, and sat back down on the couch. We watched alittle more TV, and didn't say much more about it.That night, I couldn't sleep. I had just admitted that I had had sexwith a boy, as a girl, to another man (although I hadn't mentioned thecrossdressing.) What was he going to think about me? Would he reject meas a friend? It didn't seem to bother him. And in the back of my mind,there was the growing awareness of Stewart as a man. How tall he was,and how black his skin was, and what his body looked like, andwondering...barely admitting to myself that I was wondering, what helooked like...between his legs.Over the next few days, living with Stewart, I couldn't detect any changein his behavior toward me. He still treated me the way he. So he's gay. Suddenly his professional, detatched, and slightly amused attitude towards me over the journey -- the same attitude which I found so alluring -- makes more sense. I think back over all the scenarios I'd played through my head about how we would meet and he would fall for me and take me in those strong arms. My cheeks burn red with shame."Stupid girl," I mutter to myself.At least Parthenope isn't here. How she would laugh if she learned how I threw myself, oblivious, at a much older gay man. I grimace at the thought of it, and try to think about something else... like why Rodrik was being so secretive? Sexuality has been no barrier to social acceptance for a hundred years, and no barrier for military service for eighty. What was it about what he was doing that had to be kept secret? I wish I'd done more than just pretend to pay attention when Rodrik was telling me all about those boring military rules and regulations...My mind keeps drifting back to that scene in the.
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