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’ ‘Bullshit, your brother would never do something like that. I’ll never give James my blessing and that’s the end of it.’ My heart sank, I closed the door softly, and slid my back down the wall, thudding onto the floor. Head in my hands, tears streaming down my face, my mind a mess. I heard the slam of a door and the soft sounds of Alison crying. I needed to get my shit together, she needed me. I sat on the bed and held her to me. After she calmed down I asked her what was wrong. ‘I just miss grandma that’s all,’ she said. I knew the real reason, but she couldn’t know that. I gave her a deep, soulful kiss and said ‘Goodbye Alison.’ I took her in, the way the sunlight framed her face, her gorgeous red hair, those amazing clear blue eyes, and that million dollar smile. After all it would be years till I saw her again, if not the last time. My mind was made, her grandfather was right, I wasn’t good enough for her. So I decided to move interstate for a university offer. I had been. He laughed as I lay on the ground protectingmyself. The physical pain of him grabbing my balls dissipated quickly,but the pain of the humiliation and my feeling violated lasted a longtime.I told my former supervisor about my feelings of the boy who lived nextdoor to me how I played with him until some of my sexual feelings beganto come out. He was a year older than me and also an inch or twotaller. In my fantasy I needed him to hold me, to love me and cherishme. When he accidentally found out he teased me and told the other kidsin the neighborhood. No one let me ?defend? myself. The only good partis that it was soon ?forgotten.? But I ?marked? although I didn?t knowit at the time.With this fear came the anger and my distancing myself from others. Theanger got me into trouble a few times. I am ashamed of what I havedone. Over time, for the most part, I have learned to dissipate thatanger and start to love. Since I?ve been on HRT that anger has beenreduced dramatically. Even now in my.
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