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You betrayed him." But Will understands me... he ALWAYS did. Hell, he probably knew thisabout me before I did. I don't give a damn what the rest of the familythinks, as long as I have Will's support, that's all I need. He's myonly family now."I awoke with a start in the middle of the darkness.Oh no, not this again.That was the last conversation that I had with my mom. The conversationwith my dad wasn't very different. Both of my parents, as well as mylittle brother Michael, effectively dismissed me from the family, and Ihad no support from my relatives once I told them what I had intended todo. This was about a year and a half ago, shortly before I had theoperation to make me as fully functioning a female as science couldallow. I do NOT regret it either. Not even for a second. My only realregret is that I didn't do it sooner.A while ago I blogged on an online website that I had been "cured" ofgender dysphoria, and that I no longer felt a disconnect between what wasin my. I’m a cynic nowadays and I would only quietly admit to myself that I’m crazy about you, you would still know of course, but it would only be my eyes that betrayed me and maybe I would cling to you a little bit too long after an orgasm, nothing too obvious. I can’t call it love making because the term makes me want to bite off my own tongue, I don’t however want to call it “Fucking” either because a fuck is cheap, any day of the week you can get one and it leaves a nasty taste like the hangover from a cheap bottle of red. I settle for “I want you” it’s simple but effective! Your reply makes me smile “You can have me” you say but really I can’t, not the way I would like. This is magic remember and though magic is wonderful, I’m no fool, it’s just an illusion, it fades to become something fantastic from once upon a time. Your hands are cold and whilst I can’t feel it, my hair is soft and warm to the touch. Your brush it behind my ear and I screw up my face with a lopsided grin as you.
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