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But it changed the other part of the decision. The Neil part of the decision. Last night I’d thought that Neil had chosen Hannah over me, and I was still angry at him for how he’d treated me at the weekend. Now I knew that Hannah was no longer on the scene, and I knew that Neil loved me enough that he was about to fly down here to try and rescue our love and marriage.All these thoughts were whirling around in my confused mind as I looked up at Jason. I couldn’t fathom the look on his face, and the question that kept coming back to me was Caitlyn’s question about whether I loved their father more than Jason. And as I looked at Jason, it slowly dawned on me that however much I did love Jason, I loved Neil more.Neil didn’t set my pulse racing with desire and excitement like Jason did. Neil and I had both known that and been open about that for many months. But what I had for Neil was a deeper and more spiritual love. It was a love forged and deepened in more than twenty years of a shared. I... I... I can't go to work as Anna."You won't be going to work anymore."What are you talking about?"I have already given your resignation at work for you dueto medical reasons. I explained to your work you were goingthrough some major life changes due to a medical conditionthat would not allow you to work there anymore. Theystarted to pry and I told them you were under care of apsychiatrist and they dropped it quickly and told me thatif you got yourself straight to let them know. Straight issomething you will never be again."So what am I supposed to do?"Well I have thought about opening my own Ad firm and youof course would be my executive secretary."You're joking right? - I was getting very panicky."No Anna as I told you already your life as you knew it isno more. The old you is dead to the world and will notresurface unless I absolutely need him. Then he will be apale comparison to the old you. You will look veryeffeminate as a male so most people are going to think youare queer..
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