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I walk over to the carrier bag and I take out a fresh marker pen and walk back over to her, “I think you need something to remind you of what you are.” I tell her as I uncap the pen. I start to write on her body, I write ‘abuse these' above her breasts with 2 arrows pointing towards her nipples, I write ‘fuck hole' on her lower stomach with an arrow pointing at her pussy and I write ‘love marks’ on her stomach with a couple of arrows pointing at the welts from the single tail whip I used on her earlier.I cover her body with various other phrases like ‘cum dump’, ‘pain slut' and ‘punish me’. I also write singular words all over her, words like ‘whore’, ‘slut’, ‘worthless’, ‘cunt' and anything else I can think of that will make her feel humiliated and degraded.“Sit up.” I tell her and she quickly sits up, “see that mirror.” I point at the full length mirror propped against the wall, “I want you to sit there and read all the words on your body while you pleasure yourself, knowing those. After drinking all night and coming to the realization that I would give up many of the things that I have simply to fall hard for a woman, it would be really nice to just fall down and pass out. I get the sneaking feeling that it’s not going to happen. My hands still smell like vomit and as I rub my face, washing it with dry skin, the stench of them makes me want to rinse them in bile again. I don’t, because I’m not that drunk, anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I put myself in positions that would disgust me, were I sober, on purpose. Everything has the hazy, undefined quality of a nightmare. You know what you need, what you have to do, but you just can’t do it. I want to cry. God, I just want to sleep in a woman’s arms that I love, again. Falling in love and watching her walk out of the restaurant, pass me in her car, walk away, run down the street, is killing me. No one would believe that a man who can call someone a ‘fucking cunt,’ with a totally straight face is concerned with.
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