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I sit there thinking about you, about what we could be doing or talking about if we were together. I lay at night thinking about how it would be to hold you, to wake up next to you. I know we have done it before but, that was a very long time ago and we have both changed.I’ve tried to tell you how I feel about you, but you’ve never believed me, you still don’t. I don’t blame you; we’ve only been talking again properly for nearly a year. But it’s like we just picked up from where we left off, it’s like my feelings just pick up from where they left off. But let’s be serious, you’re in a relationship now and things seem pretty serious. So, I really shouldn’t be saying half of the things I do. I just can’t seem to help myself though.I never stopped thinking about you, I always used to have the fleeting thought or the odd dream about you. Waking up in a sweat with a very distinct throb between my legs, I would wait until my girlfriend left the room. My hand would trail down to my pussy,. But the distance I had sensed between my husband and I recently, coupled with this scene before me have my intuition aroused. And I feel the twisted urgent sickness of fear and rage. Soon I can see he is ready to leave. There have been no kisses on lips, no arms linked and no touching of a sexual nature. Nothing to show anyone they are a couple. It is only because I can see them that anyone even knows they share an illicit intimacy. It is not till I know that he is leaving that I feel able to turn away, even though I can’t stand to watch. Walking back to my car, I wonder what I am going to do about this now. I’m filled with jealousy. It is a burning, destructive jealousy. Part of me would have loved to walk in on them. To see them horrified when I approached, shuffle apart and feign innocence. I could have challenged him immediately. But that’s never been my way. I am too secretive. Too calculating. I am a true Scorpio. Instead I think of myself as having an advantage over him.
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