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I hate who I am. ‘My perfect Sophie,’ he whispers. * * * Michael is not the man I dreamed about this morning. I can’t see that man’s face, and I’ve never been in such a situation, so I pick the dream apart symbolically. Surely, I must be able to offer some insight into myself. But my mind just randomly makes connections. Crow used to say I have an overactive imagination. She said I think too much. They’re not really thoughts. Just escapes. I used to daydream that I impressed Michelle. I don’t recall what I did to deserve it, but Michelle was proud of me and Crow patted me on the back. Good daydreams. Lately, I dream of killing Michael. Mickey. Whatever. They do worse to the others. Sometimes Brie will come into the hotel and select one of us. Last week she took Phoebe. No one was more surprise than her. So Phoebe’s gone. That leaves thirty of us girls left in the hotel. They have us mending things. I never sewed up something that wasn’t alive until they captured us. They. We saw each other through our ups and downs. But we did not get into trouble with each other. We were each other’s greatest cheerleader. We wanted all that was good and happy for the other. We cried when the other cried and laughed together. I had a few sleepless nights when I knew she was miserable. Other than a fleeting encounter early in our friendship, we had not spent any time together until three months had passed. We finally got together for lunch and then again two months later. There is something about being in each other's presence that even gives additional life to digital communication. I can close my eyes and see her smile and hear her laugh. “Let’s get together for lunch each month,” I said. She loved the idea. The next month marked six since we met. We tried a restaurant unknown to either, although we both knew the restaurant did not matter. Neither did the food. We sat and talked and laughed and cried. Old friends do that. We looked into each other’s eyes and saw.
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