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Wife to her neighbor: “my husband is crazy, he thinks he’s a chicken.” Neighbor: “have you taken him to see a psychiatrist?” Wife: “Lord no, the children love the fresh eggs.”Candidates for what you may well ask. Well, I was planning on creating my own personal harem, what else. Sure every teenaged boy dreams of having an adoring harem, fifty years later I could actually make those wet dreams a reality. I started off with three former lovers and the rumored lesbian lover of one of those three. I just needed to vette them.Ellen and Natalie were both paralegals at Evans and Marston, I had known them for years working around town. I had recently interacted considerably with them working out the family spread’s deed transfer and its related tax implications. They both knew I was older, loaded and without heirs. I wondered if they were so friendly by nature, or because of what they knew. Eventually I decided that it did not matter.They were both oh so cute, and very bright. Ignoring those. Martha – no, Mara –spends 17 minutes at afternoon tea instead of the regulated 10. You’re tapping the sap and she’s pouring out stories of the boy with learning difficulties making the beautiful woman sad and giving the sad woman something to design herself against. Mara was a massage therapist for three years, she had anorexia when she was 15, she chews her fingers til they’re pink, she loves horses, she teaches literacy to prisoners on public holidays, she has a barbell through her labia. She can’t believe she just told you that. She lashes out at Tae-Bo so she’s too drained to lash out at her son. She knows he’s not a curse, but he makes things so hard. ‘I’m not a special case, though, so don’t… you know.’ ‘But you are special.’ She shakes her head, stares out the window. ‘Guess you’ll have to come over,’ she says, ‘See that purple rock salt I was telling you about.’ Her kitchen has arranged itself around her body, with just enough space outside each elbow. She works hard to sweep.
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