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Perhaps its my comfort with my sexuality that allows me to tell this or some inner need for confession and comments that say Im not a total freak. I dont know, but I would love to hear what yall think. The history of my first sexual exploits must be understood in the context of both my abnormal body and the brainwashing I received from friends. I have always been a small girl, but when my chest started to develop it developed much faster and much larger than girls my size and age. When I was 16 I was already wearing a 32e, but it had started years before that. When other girls were wearing training bras, I was already using my moms old bras. Looking back I think it informed my thinking for many different reasons. First, I was being noticed and talked to different by men and boys from very early on. I was keenly aware that my chest got me attention, that men liked to look at my chest, and that it was key to me femininity. Mostly, however, I would say that it made me more aware of sex. She was not happy with my father, he used to abuse her too and soon they had started fighting. When I turned 14, she finally tried to portray her painting talent in an art gallery. It was there that she met Richard Jackson for the first time. Four years later my Dad discovered that my mother was cheating on him and to my relief they went for a divorce. I moved out with my mom. Even I didn’t want to stay with my Dad and follow his conservative rules. There were too many restrictions in that house. Once he slapped me because I had kissed a guy in school and another time when I came home drunk. I hated him so much. Even my mom was sick of him. So when Richard came into our lives he was like a warm sunrise on a chilly day. That warmth I felt was heavenly. I already had a crush on him when my mom married him after a year. We relocated to New York with him. My mother started working which had always been her dream and I joined my new university and made new friends who were funny and.
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