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Nights were especially stressful, particularly during the bombings. Sometimes I would wake up at night and reach for Phillip, and he wasn't there, only cold sheets and an empty pillow. Occasionally, I would have sexual dreams about Phillip, making love with him inside me, something we did regularly and enjoyed very much. That was all missing now, and my cravings were going unsatisfied. When I could no longer stand it, I would jill myself, sometimes for more than an hour, having several orgasms to quell the raging storm between my legs. When I craved something inside me, I would use warm butter or oil and a banana when I could get one or a squash from my garden. Though I loved my orgasms and looked forward to them, there was nothing like human contact. I loved having Phillip inside me, filling my hot, slippery fanny, especially when he ejaculated in me. I loved that the most. We both loved sucking on each other, and I missed that terribly, too! Not having my breasts tended to by. I tried all the usual social places, pubs, clubs, the cinema, little societies doing all sorts of things except pair off older single men with older single women. Not a sniff! This was my last resort and the music was deafening, and awful. The dance floor was packed with pretty young things jigging away enthusiastically taking me way back to my youth, so in the time honoured tradition I risked rebuke and insult and went right in. Unattached girls usually come in pairs and in the old days they would dance with you for a couple of tracks then if you were lucky one would hang on for a slow smooch. Not anymore. I was becoming more than just self-conscious as one after the other eyed me as if I were an alien, picked up their handbags and scurried off the floor leaving me jigging around like Billy No-mates. Trying not to get discouraged I turned around after abandonment by two girls to find three more in a little circle so I went with it, strutting my stuff. A few giggles told me I was.
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