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That was all I was, or could hope to be.The whip cracked again, this time across my back. I realized I had missed a command. The auctioneer repeated it: "Kneel!" I swiftly knelt on the wooden platform, my knees spread, my breasts lifted prominently, my head lowered submissively. "Crawl!" he ordered. I lowered myself to my hands and knees and crawled from one side of the block to the other, my back arched and my hips high as I had been trained, my head still down. I could hear numbers being called out from the crowd, but in my confusion I could not make any sense of them. I hoped that I would bring a good price, if for no other reason than to provide some validation to my miserable existence.I am not a slave!, I thought to myself as I rolled on my side on the block in response to a command. I do not want to be at the beck and call of a man, subject to his every whim and desire, forced to lend him the pleasure of my body at his least command, nothing more than a vessel for his sexual. It was advanced breast cancer and it was fatal. Apparently she'd had it for some time and nothing was going to be able to arrest the advancement. The doctor told us it was already in her lymph nodes and we sat there in the examining room, hugged each other for dear life, and cried both our hearts out. "Six months later she was gone and once again I was alone and in a deep depression. Luckily for me my neighbors knew something was wrong. They'd long ago assumed that we were lesbian lovers and when Helen passed away they jumped right in and helped me cope, but it wasn't enough. I didn't drink, I didn't binge on d**gs, I just withdrew into myself for a while. With the insistance of those neighbors though, I was able to get to a doctor and he put me on medications for the depression. It took a while but I was soon almost myself once more. I was able to go out and have a good time, but when I did go out I'd sit in the back of the bar, deep in the shadows and do my best to avoid.
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