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"Now, Sara, I need you to roll onto your back." I wondered hazily what might come next. And as was becoming usual you surprised me. You knelt at the foot of the bed and placed your hands on the soles of my feet, holding them, warming them in your hands, honoring them. Only one who is truly a master is able to bow with such humility and so demonstrate his true strength and courage and character. The acceptance I felt seemed to open a door within freeing sexual and erotic energies that I didn't even know I possessed. The fire flamed brighter. You rested there awhile caressing and just holding my feet. Then spreading my legs you moved close to their juncture and began to touch and stroke the front of my body with the feather as you had with my back. It passed tantalizingly over my belly button and my nipples before gently stroking my face. You took oil in your hands and anointed my body with it, at first using wide strokes to spread it over my shoulders and tummy and chest then focusing. After every session I always came away with a feeling of exhilaration, and a deeper understanding. The decision to separate was mine, and mine alone. It was an extremely hard decision, taken for entirely selfish reasons, when faced with a loss that I could not bear to contemplate – the loss of my children’s love and respect. In parting, I was not the least bit fair to her. I can still feel the pain that I caused her, and it gives me great pain as well. I now understand better why I made the choices that I did. I will never know whether there could have been a different way. I do know that after years of effort, the results are as I had hoped. Could I have done things differently? Perhaps. And maybe I would also somehow have emerged intact on the other side of the nightmare that I faced – different from today, but still whole. No one can ever really know ‘the road not taken’. I do know how much I miss her. There is not a day which goes by without me thinking of her some time. My.
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