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I know the names of all the boys in N’Sync.’ She smiles. ‘Wow.’ I say as evenly as I can, suppressing a gag. ‘What about you?’ She asks, sipping her Malibu. ‘Well, did you know only one in five men wash their hands in the rest room?’ She stares at me. I pounce. ‘It’s true. After the third beer, most men barely even bother pissing in the urinals. In fact, that lack of hand washing is the number one reason for yeast infections in women.’ She stares at me. I stand. ‘I gotta use the rest room, if the waitress comes by, order me a beer huh?’ I say, gesturing the to the two empty bottles on our table. I walk away, snickering. In the rest room, I find a guy sniffing coke in the mirror, talking on his cell phone. ‘Yeah,’ sniff ‘all I can say is thank god for trust funds.’ He says. Part of me wants to slam him against the mirror and pretend I’m a cop. You know, shake him down, take his coke, maybe even his wallet. What’s he going to do? Call the cops and say someone took his coke? Not. We both knew I had as much chance of winning a Pulitzer Prize as I did of dating one of the Olsen twins. We both knew that it didn't matter. I had a story to write.And a whip to master. But I had been practicing journalism for far longer. It was no wonder that I was better at that.Ken did his best not to show it, but he was as concerned as I was."You need a day off," he said."Now?" I asked. "The fight's a week from fucking tonight!"It had been a frustrating session even before he shared the "results." Ken had designed an algorithm for measuring success. Or so he claimed. I wouldn't have known an algorithm from an African drum rhythm. What I did know was that my effectiveness with the light whip had plateaued just like my skill with the regular whip had. Now I had a number for it: 43 percent. Up from 38 the day before. Down from 45 the day before that.I didn't even have half a chance to win this fight."I know, buddy," Ken said. "You're trying too hard."Easy for him to say. Ken had.
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