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"No, no," I said draining the last of my beer. "I'll better go find Lav."A quick circuit of the ground floor failed to find her, so I ventured upstairs where there was a small queue outside the bathroom."Have you seen Lav?" I asked. "Is she in there?"My first thought was she was feeling ill after all the drink she had consumed."No," said a girl in the line. "There's a guy in there at the moment." Where the fuck was she?" I whispered to myself.There were three other doors off the landing. The first was a small room set out as an office. The second was a small bedroom full of coats but the third was the main bedroom."Lav, Lav," I screamed as I spied her lying on the bed. "You ok?"At first, I didn't notice, I just assumed she must have felt unwell and lay down. It wasn't until I stepped on something soft and I bent down to pick up a pair of female knickers that it dawned on me that something was wrong. Her legs were open but her skirt was respectably lowered, my hand hovered for a second. Considering how against ANY sexual exhibition in public Christians are, they were doing a great job of turning Corvallis into a fucking mess.The unfortunate people who'd bought our Peoria Road property from us were doubtless wishing it was surrounded by the 75th Rangers again, because TV showed that thousands of religiously inspired souvenir hunters had found it and were in the process of ripping the house apart to get keepsakes of 'Saint Mark', or whatever the hell they thought I was. The owners should have put their property on an eBay auction for an immediate cash sale, as they probably could've gotten millions more than it was worth, assuming there'd be a religious organization rich and silly enough to pay that much, which I thought was a safe assumption.Our original home had the same problem too, but to a much lesser extent because it was inside the cordon around the town, and (I guessed) because it'd never been on the news before. Of course, now that it was repeatedly pictured.
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