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I got a sweater for Christmas, I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.8. If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal.9. I don't approve of political jokes, I've seen too many of them get elected.10. There are two sides to every divorce, his and the shithead bitch's - opps I mean witch's.11. I love being married, it's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.12. I am a nobody and nobody is perfect, therefore, I am perfect.13. Every day I beat my own previous record for number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.14. How come we choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America???15. Having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.16. Why is it that most nudists are people you don't want to see naked.17. Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words, "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's. ”“Go get Ladd. You better not start this with him over here, either.” Eli scowled at his daughter as she smiled.“Dad, times have changed since you were young. I heard Momma and Aunt Miranda talking about that one day. They said girls and boys are a lot more free and are trusted to be alone together way more than when they were younger.”“Lilly Beth, one day you’ll be talking with your daughter or son, then what will you tell them?” Eli asked, thinking he would make her think about this differently.“I’ll tell them to live their life on a big ranch out in the open with their brothers and sisters and cousins around them and never be afraid of having fun.”“What about when they get older, like you and your sisters are now?”“I’ll tell them that if they meet a boy or girl they want to love, let them know it and don’t be afraid to have fun, no matter what.”“What would you tell your daughter if she was in love with a boy and they wanted to be alone together?”“I’d tell him that he better not get.
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