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“Have I asked you for anything? Tried to get back together with you? Told you I wanted to be your girlfriend?”“You HAVE asked for sex,” I grinned.“You KNOW what I meant by that, you blockhead!”“I do; I guess my difficulty is with the fact that we dated before.”Nancy shook her head and spoke firmly but quietly.“And you think because I want to play that means I’m going to try to get back together with you? Even after I told you that wasn’t why? You either don’t believe me or don’t trust me. I’m not expecting anything. COULD we get back together? I have no clue. WOULD we if we could? I have no clue. Do I EXPECT it? No.”She had a reasonable point, but I also felt she was introducing ANOTHER complication. She didn’t see it that way, obviously, but I did. I was sure it WAS related to the fact that we’d dated, because I actually COULD play with Mindy and Kristin. Nancy and I had certainly enjoyed being with each other, even if our relationship was rocky because we were both struggling with. I could piece my ears. I could shapemy eyebrows. I could wear a signboard that said "girl."I went shopping. I picked out three dresses, which was a bit out of myprice range, but how many chances does a girl get to make her debut? Ibought panties and bras.As I fingered the bra, a sense of reality filled me. This washappening. I was changing my life. It was a cavernous step, bigger thanNeil Armstrong's step, bigger than Christopher Columbus'.This wasn't going to the Flamingo on Friday night to dance withfriends. This wasn't marching in the Pride parade. This was girl timeall-the-time.I had my hair done. I bought new, smaller breast forms. This was anoffice setting. I wasn't trying to pick up off-duty cops any more. Ihad a mani-pedi. Ii made an appointment with my endocrinologist to talkabout breasts. (Mine, not his.) my utter transformation required a fullweek of accrued vacation time -- going in and out of salons andparlors, each fixing my femininity more and more in evidence..
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