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’ ‘You’d be taking a career risk.’ ‘Roxy don’t be like that. I’ve heard on the grapevine that your top people are in raptures.’ Roxy made no reply and coolly asked for the place and time for lunch. Di arrived looking lovely in frilly yellow and beautifully made up and found Roxy at the bar. ‘Excuse me for looking dressed up but I’ll be in the photo too,’ she said, kissing Roxy who laughed and said, ‘You vain bitch.’ ‘Omigod, you are your old self. You scared the crap out of me yesterday sounding so sour. I guess you were projecting your displeasure with me?’ ‘Yes and I made my point and I’m over that now and I realize we weren’t meant to be friends.’ ‘Oh dear, I dropped you right at the time you needed someone like me, right?’ ‘Yes but that need is gone. Just let’s be fair-weather friends.’ ‘Roxy we have a holiday weekend coming up and I’m taking a couple of extra days and will be visiting my sister in LA. Please come with me, at my expense.’ ‘Thanks for the offer, it is so kind. But. “I’m so fuckin’ close!” Jay grabbed a fistful of her locks and tugged it back aggressively, making her cry out in pain. He wasn’t the gentle, sweet lover who held me in his arms at night, kissing me until I’d beg him to give his body to me. And even when he’d finally surrender and satisfy my desires, he wouldn’t have sex with me like this. He couldn’t. I had tried to connect with his darkest half, become best friends with him, offer my body to him as a sexual sacrifice, but he just couldn’t allow himself to go there with me. Jay was perfectly capable of disassociating love and sex—that woman he was fucking was a prime example. He wasn’t able to disconnect himself with me. He loved me too much to fuck me and use me as if I were a bitch in heat. He was incapable of subjecting me to humiliation and rough play. Jay couldn’t be merciless with me. He couldn’t call me a whore, tie me up and have his way with me. To cast me as the role of the harlot in his dark play of S&M was to forever.
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