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’ ‘Well, I don’t want to get too deeply into it, but what I can say is that I used to have a really strong faith, but then I had a lot of doubts and took a lot of different turns in life, and now I’m nothing.’ ‘Nothing?’ ‘Well, I don’t know how to put it. I guess I just don’t think about it much anymore,’ I said. There was more to it, but I didn’t want to burden this girl with it. I didn’t want to tell her that I found the idea of eternal life, no matter the destination, to be a truly horrible idea. That I preferred the idea of death being the end of my conscious existence. A fade to black, and then nothing. For a long time, I didn’t think that way. When I was in high school, I used to do what she was doing: walking through the neighborhoods around the church, engaging strangers in conversations about God and faith and heaven and all of that. But twenty-five years later, after several online affairs, a few real-life ones, and a sexual harrassment scandal at work, I wasn’t sure that. Beyond that they have lost the anchor in their lives. From the way I felt when Katy disappeared I can only begin to imagine how much worse it would be for the others in my family to have Marissa and I to die. I've written her a letter detailing my concerns. I'm not sure who I would will my concubines to (beyond Marissa) in the case of my death. I have been very remiss in making friends among the community where I've been stationed. I've considered you and would nominate you as third in line after Marissa and someone whom she will nominate. At least that is what I've put in my letter to her, and in the will I've filed.Holly's been sitting on my lap keeping me entertained while I've been writing this. She just reminded me of how mousy I was when I was aboard the Dawn Princess. "Will," she told me, "these people never knew you as a concubine. They just see you as a sponsor. And you know very well that some sponsors are assholes. Worse yet these people have recently lost their protector..
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