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We shouldn’t be going through this. Our hugs should not be reduced to pressing our hands to the glass and aligning them, accompanied by strained, humorless smiles. It is at this window, sitting on a stainless steel stool, leaning on a stainless counter,, where I was told how to make a decent cup of coffee in jail. You take one packet of coffee, a couple hot cocoa packets. Mix ’em together in hot water. Then, add a couple atomic fireballs, and roll them around like the marble in a spray-paint can. I’ve also learned, at the window in the room halfway down that horror-movie hallway, that in order to get enough of what you want or need, you have to barter. Prison commissary only allows so much per section. Ten-ish snacks. 20-ish drink mixes per week. Get ten coffee, then you don’t have enough hot cocoa to make it decent. You can barter for more than coffee. Portraits of loved ones, drawn with stubby pencils, eight-by-ten, and from snapshots sent in letters, can be had for a couple of. Are you married my child? Well . . . uhmmmm. . . . whatever happens in the marriage bed is considered sacred in the eyes of the lord but . . .” “Oh, I’m not married but my boyfriend is. Cool, he always fucks me in the ass in his marital bed when his wife is out of town. Okay, on to my next confession . . .” “Wait, no, no. That’s not what I meant. I was trying to say . . .” I could barely contain my laughter. “Relax, pops, I was just kidding you. I know that adultery is a sin. My boyfriend isn’t married. In fact, he isn’t even a boy. He, is a she. My girlfriend is married though. Do I get extra forgiveness points or whatever you call it because I’ve known her longer than she has known her husband? She and I used to fool around in college and we just can’t seem to stop . . . fooling around . . . if you know what I mean.” “Oh, gosh darnit all to heck,” I sarcastically added and then changed my tone to that of the most intense sexy whisper, “You see, Father, I love.
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