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Thus, the fantasy which she described that evening represented quite a departure from the sort which she had discussed previously. It was not only realizable, it left me an explicitly secondary role as observer rather than active participant.According to Amanda, what she wanted was to put herself at the mercy of a third person while I watched that person tease her body until she achieved a state of sexual frenzy. During her teasing, neither Amanda nor I would have any control over either what was being done to her or how long it was being done. Instead, the third party would be completely in charge. As she explained, what appealed to Amanda was the idea of ceding control over her body and emotions to someone whose interest in her would be more likethat of a trainer or teacher than that of a lover. In addition, she enjoyed imagining my frustration at being forced to watch her body being manipulated by and responding to someone else.My initial reaction to this fantasy was ambivalent.. Spend some time with us during the holidays if you can."Mom laughed, actually laughed, the first sign of joy I'd seen in her since Sandy left. I wanted to hug her."The Maltese Islands!" Mom exclaimed. "My, you're becoming a world traveler, Sandy. I'll have to look them up in an atlas... The Mediterranean. My, my. Send us a postcard showing some scenery of the islands. May I write you?... Just a second. Let me get a pad and pen."I motioned for Mom to stay seated and grabbed paper and pen from the counter."Go ahead," Mom said and jotted down an address, probably the same mail-drop address Sandy had given me. Because Sandy and I talked once or twice a day, we hadn't written to each other."Yes, he's sitting beside me, holding my hand... I'll tell him. He's been missing you, too... Goodbye, sweetheart. Please call again soon. I miss hearing your voice so much you can't imagine. Call collect. We'll accept the calls from wherever you are in the world." Tears streaked Mom's face, but they.
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