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With a wave of my hands, I motioned for the ladies to gather around. "The chief is checking with Jennifer. I presume she's getting an update and status report," I told the news-hungry gathering. Sheila has asked me to get everyone settled in and accounted for. Martha, can you do the honors?"The terror in the captain of the kitchen eyes abated as she focused on the task at hand. Busy people don't have the luxury of panic. As Martha attended to the women, I assumed a seat on the stone bench and took a moment to gather my wits and clear my mind. I was terrified. Fear can be a useful servant, unlike his kissing cousin, Panic. Fear strengthens the scenes and sharpens the mind. Panic smothers reason, and we flee without purpose.Trembling like an old man, I tapped a smoke out of my pack of cigarettes and flicked my Bic. I inhaled and held each breath for a moment before exhaling. As the pace of my breathing slowed, the knot of muscles in my jaw and neck gradually softened. Nicotine seduces. I can't do this to her."Allison looked down at her lap, and she was quiet for a few minutes. They turned onto her street before she turned to look at him. To his surprise, she had tears in her eyes. When she spoke, her voice was vulnerable and trembling. "Jack, I'm scared. I gave myself to you, and now I'm afraid you don't want me." She bit her lip. "I ... I love you. Why is that wrong?"On top of everything else, Jack suddenly felt like a jerk. In all his own selfish feelings of guilt, he'd forgotten how she might be feeling about everything. He'd just automatically transferred his own emotions on her. "Allison, I..." He stopped, realizing his brain was empty. He fumbled with his thoughts for a minute. "I'm sorry. I DO want you. I've wanted you for a long time. But I can't have you. I'm afraid, too. I'm afraid of what will happen. I in love with Abigail, and I can't jeopardize that. Except I'm pretty sure I'm in love with you. How that can be? I'm not sure I can have you both. I'm.
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