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And I’m sure you have my best interest at heart. So…I’ll be off then.’ I ran to my room without looking back, not caring so much about my dignity or pride, but just wanting to get out of his piercing gaze. The look in his eyes, the set of his lips pressing tightly to form an unwavering thin line, made me nervous. A good nervous, and a very bad nervous. The weather outside was picking up, and in the city it can be scorching hot. Even late in the night. I had taken to the habit of sleeping in a baggy t-shirt and a pair of light panties. Our air conditioner was broken, so blankets were not necessary. I would just lounge on top of the covers in my Monty Pythons shirt and fall asleep watching the ceiling fan bobble, in an effort to serve its purpose of cooling me down. There was a hesitant knock on my bedroom door. Josh entered without waiting for my response. ‘This might be a little…forward of me, but I wanted to talk to you about today.’ He came right in and sat by my head at the top of. I just went to myroom, my mind a whirl.Rachel came and knocked on the door. "Paul, I just want to say you werevery brave. Very stupid choosing the dance to come out, but very brave. Ipromise I'll be there for you."Driving as a family to church, and being at church itself, was very, verytense. I found myself "side-eyed" many times.School the next day was even worse. I found that Zak and I were whateveryone was talking about. I was called "fag" what seemed like 100times. Quite a few students spoke to me in support, but that was weirdtoo. I'm all for acceptance, but I am not gay myself. Besides, thesupport mainly came from students I hardly knew.Zak avoided me for most of the day. When I finally cornered him, he said,"Paul, I have no idea what came over me the other night. But I'm not gay,never have been. If you are, that's cool, but leave me out of it!" Andoff he walked.On Tuesday, Zak wasn't at school. Or Wednesday either. I called and hedidn't answer. I called his home phone, and his.
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