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He stood six-feet tall but weighed only about 180.“I like you, Warner,” he said. “You’re going to bring something to this team we’ve lacked. You’re all out on the field but off the field you’re not afraid to keep it loose. Here, I’ll give you my old number. Is 13 OK?”“Sure but don’t you want it?” Phil asked.“Coaches get numbers in the 50s,” he explained. “You’ll do it proud. There was no one last year I thought could do it justice so I kept in the box.”“Great, a jersey that hasn’t been washed since it was worn two years ago,” Phil joked. The coach tossed him the button down shirt and then sifted through a box for a pair of pants his size. The last item was sanitary socks and stirrups but those were one size fits all.Phil walked to the end of the dugout and pulled his shorts down.“Hey, Warner, there is a bathroom, for Christ’s sake,” the coach yelled. “There are women in the stands for once.”“His girlfriend and roommates,” Ted said, coming around the corner. “The way they’re hooting. Anyway, I’ve explained all of that before. Once you came out to the lake, though, how long did it take for me to initiate sex with you?”“About a week and a half, depending on...”“No need to delve into definitional minutiae. I remember what happened, and you’re correct. You arrived on a Monday, and starting the following Wednesday the barriers fell — though the Champagne unquestionably helped — and we couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Now: how long did it take me to invite Wendy to join us?”“I have no idea. You hinted that you also found her attractive from the start, but...”“Never mind,” she said, cutting him off, “that was an unfair question. You weren’t in my head, so you’d have no way of knowing. The answer is that the time from the moment you confessed your love to the moment I picked up the phone to set up both the date and its aftermath was a matter of hours, at most. Think about that while I move on to the next question: how long did it take you to talk me into hooking.
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