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I cannot explain or justify these feelings, but I can only tell you that is what I felt. Eventually and gradually more increasingly, I began exchanging email with members on these sites. Specifically, I sought out Black Men and began to ask them if they would be interesting in sexing or breeding my wife. I received responses from most of the Black Men I wrote to. Some of the responses were very over the top, and I knew my wife would never go for them. I also received a few extremely polite responses which indicated discretion on the part of this pool of Black Men. One in particular, Michael, stood out and seemed especially promising. He was not pushy, was intelligent, and he lived about an hour from us. He was close enough to do what I fantasized about but not too close to be suffocating. Over time, I relayed to him many details about my wife and out relationship. I told him that I would be away from home for several months and that he would have ample opportunity to gradually gain. I was alone. I wasn't sure about her.The terms of the divorce had Jennifer paying me $500 monthly for the next two years. Not a lot, but it was something. We did sell the house, and each of us got enough for a down payment on a new place which I wasn't ready to lock myself into yet. We split the personal stuff amicably and prepared to get on with our lives.The days after the divorce for me were—well boring. My uninspiring, nothing little digs, a rented apartment at the time, and my "no" job situation left me with a lot of time to think. But, my thinking, such as it was, was disjointed and without direction. I needed to get my miserable, now forty-eight year old, act together and start the long road back toward some kind of normalcy.My first order of business was to get myself a job. I didn't need the money, really, but I needed to be occupied with something; I needed to be up and doing. Without a woman, retirement sucked, and that in technicolor!I did get myself off occasionally,.
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