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’ I quickly added. ‘I know.’ He whispered. ‘But I couldn’t even be half the friend that you’ve been to me.’ I couldn’t help but smile from his kind words. It was nice to know that he appreciated me as much as I did him. He had finally fallen asleep, and I was wide awake thinking. Suddenly, I felt my heart fluttering, and breaking at the same time. The feeling I had repressed for so long was suddenly breaking through the barriers. I didn’t just love him, but I realized that I was IN love with him. He was everything I loved and more. His pain was my pain, and there was nothing I wanted more than to appease that pain and make it go away. I wanted him to be happy. I realized that… I wanted to make him happy. I just wanted him to be happy with me. No one else would ever love him the way I did, and no one else would ever be good enough for him in my eyes. But I knew I couldn’t let him know because that would ruin everything. Even if I couldn’t love him the way I wanted to, I just couldn’t. Grandma remarried so my mother was raised by step fathers. Grandma was 78 by the time I was born and I have no idea what number that husband was. He died when I was four-ish. I was scared of him. He was so old he looked like a skeleton with skin and he moved.So my mom’s early childhood was a Kentucky farm during the Great Depression. She told us one year for Christmas she got a single orange and that was it. No Christmas dinner, no other gifts. A single orange was the whole kit and caboodle. When she was about twelve she went to a sleepover. Some guys came over and one of them wanted to have sex with her. When she refused, he got angry and grabbed a shotgun and tried to kill her. One of her friends tried to knock the shotgun away. Instead of the blast hitting her chest it hit her knee. It permanently disfigured her leg and gave her a pronounced limp. This was during the era of legs. A women’s beauty was judged by the shape, length, ect of her legs. We were just recently in the era of.
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