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I have to remind myself as his sub that it is not about me. As his sub I must learn to be patient and wait until He tells me to do something. For example I would like to have some Ben wa balls so that I can train my vaginal muscles to be tight despite all the stretching they regularly endure. The vanilla me wants to rush out and buy some and start using them. As a sub I have to learn to be patient and wait. He will decide if and when I get them - and if and when I am to wear them for his pleasure. It is not about me. Being a Master carries responsibility and thought. This must be demanding and I can imagine that He needs a break sometimes. If I wish for attention and my Master is tired or busy or simply not in the mood I am learning to hold back from demanding from him and remind myself: It is not about me. As long as he is contented them so am I. Something is struggle with is when my Master gives a lot of his attention to somebody else or something else. I feel a jealousy that. " Give me the short version." O.K. Ronni started instant messaging me at night, and sending me some emails. I tried to keep it appropriate. But I swear to you, Brooke, she got all flirty. I tried to stop her." Go on." She sent me some pictures of herself. Sexy pictures." You know she's a kid, right Jack? She's our daughter's friend. I don't even know if she's sixteen yet." She's not. She's fifteen." Fuck, Jack. Are you crazy?" Yes, Brooke. I swear, I must be crazy. I just lost control. She was flirting with me. She was acting, just so sexy. She told me she had been having sex already and the way she acted ... I'm sure she wasn't lying. She really knew what she was doing."And you just couldn't say no, right Jack? Well, that sounds just like you. All that matters to you is sex!" Oh, come on, Brooke," Jack retorted. "That's just not true." It's all you ever talk about!" Oh, bullshit, Brooke! But if I do talk about sex, maybe it's because you never want to do it. And when you do, you want.
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