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’ He replied–a simple reply– ‘OK.’ I babbled for a while, asking if I had anything of his to return and vice versa because I did not want to have to return to this place. I looked at him for a moment and stared at this man who I loved with a passion deeper than even I realize sometimes and asked ‘Would you like a hug before I go?’ Stupid of me, I love self-loathing and being masochistic, I had to if I wanted to feel this heart wrenching pain. ‘Yes’ another simple reply, I walked over to the bed and he opened his arms and I hugged him. After just milliseconds, I let go it hurt so much. I said goodbye again and asked if he wanted the divider closed, ‘Yes’ Lovely, another simple reply. I shut the divider and started grabbing my stuff, it was time to leave. I thought quietly for a minute running through so many emotions: pain, gratification– there was more paroxysms of grief than I anticipated. It was so hard to process my choice, I knew, for once in my life, I meant it. I was going to. I was in a constant state of arousal as I waited for what I knew would be eventually coming. Every so often the redhead would move through the cabin serving passengers with beverages and food, as well as providing the occasional blanket or pillow. I was becoming restless. By no means was I being neglected. In fact, it was the complete opposite. The redhead was constantly coming over to me and having little chats about my ‘work’ and her life. This was the problem. All of this attention and talking with her was making me want her more and more. I needed release. I needed to touch those lips, wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close to me. It was still a few hours until it would be dark and I knew that would be the time for me to make my move. As I waited, counting down the seconds, I started to think about last night when Sarah had showed up unannounced at my apartment in the middle of the night and seduced me. As I thought about what we had done, I drifted off to sleep. When I.
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