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“I know what we did wasn’t that great for you,” he said hesitantly.I looked down shyly. “It was okay.”“Look, I was really nervous because of your brothers. I’m still terrified of them finding out about this, you know...” He paused for several moments. “I guess my point is, if I could do it again, there would be things I’d do differently.”I took a deep breath and collected my thoughts before I spoke. “Anthony, listen to me. First, my brothers aren’t going to find out what we’re doing, so please stop worrying about that. We’re sneaky and being careful. Also, they aren’t that smart, okay?”We smiled at each other, and for the first time I really felt comfortable around him.“Second, that’s why I ... I came back. So we can hopefully make this better.”“Your first time should have been good, and I made it shitty for you, and I’m sorry.”“Let’s just put that behind us and figure out what we can do, going forward, to make it better.”We sipped our water, and I watched as he thought for several. He even complemented her on it, but it wasn’t the same old Palmer. After they ate they went into the living room and sat on the sofa to watch television. He stared blankly at the screen. If she said anything to him, he would perk up briefly, respond pleasantly, then drift back into his own world. It was almost like he’d developed attention deficit disorder. Ellen began to feel like she was failing him and it broke her heart.She began to wonder if she could do anything right: she’d had an affair with a younger man and gotten pregnant, strike one, once pregnant she’d miscarried, strike two, she was trying to bring Palmer back to normal and didn’t seem to know how, strike three. Three strikes and you’re out. She saw herself as an incompetent, a loser. The thought ran through her head that she was simply incapable of doing anything, at least not anything important, without failing.As she slid into the depths of self-pity, her emotions took over. She felt her lips tremble as her eyes.
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