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Andthen - before I had the opportunity to think better of it - I looped myfingers under the waistband of my sweatpants and pulled them - and myunderwear - to the ground.I stood in front of the mirror, as naked as the streaker crossing thestage at the 1974 Academy Awards. The act of becoming naked had somehowmanaged to overload my brain, considering that it now seemed incapable ofkeeping up with the strange, exciting sensations that my new body wasproducing. And, in my nakedness, I realised that I was actually morenaked than the Oscar's streaker, because whilst his body was covered inthe pre-manscaping 1974 coarse, body-hair, I didn't have a single hairanywhere outside of my head. There is no way that this level of self-carecan possibly be worth it, I mouthed to myself, but almost as soon as thethoughts formed themselves I found myself gagging at the thought of hairgrowing on my legs, or my underarms, or - worst of all - my vagina.My vagina.I ran the index finger of my left hand. This story happened when I was twenty-two, and has had a life long impression upon my psyche since that time. It happened at Gettysburg PA.You see, I grew up in a small town in eastern Ontario, Canada. Now I have no idea of why, but ever since I first learned to read, I had developed a fascination with the history of the war between the states. Not only that, but the fascination that I developed was for the battle that was fought in the small hamlet of Gettysburg.Please do not ask me where this obsession came from, I just had it. My parents thought that it was cute.They indulged me in whatever way that I wanted. They had the opinion that it was better for me to be addicted to the battle that occurred at Gettysburg, than it was for me to become addicted to street drugs. In that, they were right. So I carried this love of this particular war with me all through my teen years. In fact, I did not even date. Girls just assumed that I was the geek that I looked like, and I had never had an.
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