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Week 15Guarding my damn computer and cell phone is now my full-time job. I try to keep our communication to the bare minimum, still I have to arrange those risqué rendezvous. Which means my computer and cell phone likely harbor all sorts of damning evidence.I suffer regular panic attacks wondering if I actually left my laptop open. Yesterday, when I forgot my mobile, I had to run home to retrieve it immediately.Week 16I called my lover by my husband's name today and we had a good laugh, but now I worry I'll say the wrong name at the wrong time. It is a constant fear. Over coffee it is a concern; in bed it will border on crippling. I am still getting intimate with my husband. But when I am, I am thinking about my lover, comparing the two, no matter how much I try not to.God I hate my new world.I have had to stop addressing both men by their actual names and now stick to something generic like "honey."Week 17I am someone's wife, someone's mother. I took vows and was building a life and. So we picked up a couple bags of the cheap duck food all the shops carry and went out to lean on the rail and talk."So what's going on?" Allison asked, getting straight to the point."I'm not sure. Just before I woke up, Bob called. I was supposed to take those DVD's back to him today, but he said not to come over, rather to bring them to school on Tuesday. That wouldn't have been so serious but he also said not to call him or Rebecca. It's not so much what he said as his tone. There was that feeling of intensity that says, 'this is important.' He was asking if it was too late to get together again when my alarm woke me up. I can only assume that he wanted to get together so he could tell me what's going on." That must have been frustrating." Tell me about it. Anyway, I thought about what it all might mean while I was running. I kept coming back to the same conclusion." They're worried about you." It was a statement, not a question."Yeah, that's where I kept coming back to. What I.
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