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We should have known anything the hotel staff told us would be a lie. The beach was actually clean and the sea was calm and inviting. Best of all, even though we were in the middle of the winter break, the beach was almost empty, with only three other families sharing the sea with us. Of course, those families had to include little girls in skimpy swimsuits that frolicked in the beach, bending down to build sand castles and didn’t care for poor old pedophiles that had to avert their eyes.As I was debating if it would be best to just pretend to sleep and hope to steal some glances at the kids, or go into the sea and observe from there, she arrived, shattering my ideas. Kitty was still wearing those cute cat ears in her flowing hair, and other than that, she wore the most revealing blue side-tie bikini I’d ever seen. I think this was the first side-tie bikini I’d ever seen, and seeing it on such a lovely creature made me unable to stop staring. Just as I imagined the day before, she was. “Come in, would you like some tea? I was just about to make some”“Tea would be lovely, I was at a Ceilidh last night and drank too much Jameson, anything to stop the man bashing my head in from the inside.”She likes Jameson as well? Sold! To the shallow man in the room with a dick for a brain!I found my phone under piles of papers. I had nearly not bothered with a landline, glad I did now. I deliberately found something to do so as not to overhear. Coming back from the kitchen with the tea, a plate of biscuits including Jaffa cakes for the dog (look, I’m a sucker for animals okay?), I tried a conversation.“Are you staying locally? I could give you a lift if you want, I’m not too busy”“I’m sure you don’t want dog hair in your car. No, it’s okay, someone will be here soon, we can wait in the car if you need to get on with work”“No!” too aggressive, tone it down “I mean, no, no that’s fine. Nothing that can’t wait”We chatted about nothing for a while. Then the conversation started to.
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