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" Let's play 'Worst Possible News!'" I said. "Louise is going to tell me tomorrow that Don's got leprosy!" Naw, it's not a disease," Tad said, warming to the game. "She'll tell you he weighs 450 pounds and likes to sit around the house without wearing a shirt!" He's a child-molester!" I suggested."Louise is his third wife -- and he never got around to divorcing the other two!" No, he's about to leave her -- for a guy!" I screamed."All right, all right, that's enough," Tad said. "Whatever Louise tells you tomorrow, it won't be as bad as any of those. Now let's relax and see what's on TV."Thursday at lunch, Louise had apparently had time to prepare her little spiel. "Please don't -- ahh -- be too judgmental about this," she said as a preamble. "It's not as bad as it might sound to you, at first." Spill it, Louise, the suspense is killing me." OK. Listen. Don. Don has a... a porn collection." You mean, like, dirty books?" Yeah, but I'm not talking Playboy, here Cathy. Don's got some. I knew what room Cheryl was in and didn’t think I’d be missed so I took my IV pole with me and after looking left and then right down the hall, scooted around the corner to the elevator. Maybe I should have left a note saying I went for a walk and would be back in a little while. Naw, let them send the bloodhounds. I got off on the 5th floor and tried to look like I belonged there. Yeah right, an old man wearing a bathrobe and slippers, dragging an IV pole behind him looks as inconspicuous as hell. But when I got to room 537 I froze. I didn’t know what to do. It wasn’t in the field training manual and I didn’t have an intelligence report to say what to expect inside so I was at a quandary how to proceed. I just stood there hoping my ass wasn’t showing. ‘Come on in Jack,’ Cheryl said from the other side of the room divider. How in the hell did she know I was there. ‘Jack, I can see your reflection in the bathroom mirror, so come on in.’ She’s a smarter woman than I ever gave her.
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