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That wasn’t so bad, I thought to myself. At least a beautiful woman smiled at me. — The next day I filled up my car with gas. The young girl at the counter was cute as a button. I was probably too old for her but I was still committed to approach any woman I found attractive no matter what the age. I paid for my gas and then said, ‘Honey, I just wanted you to know. I think you’re gorgeous.’ The clerk blushed prettily. ‘I know I’m not gorgeous, Mister, but thanks for the sentiment.’ ‘I’m serious, honey. I’d love to take you out to dinner if you’re interested.’ She blushed again. ‘Sir, I have a boyfriend.’ ‘He’s a lucky young man, honey. Have a great day.’ ‘You too, sir.’ Again, that hadn’t gone all that badly. The girl seemed to enjoy the attention. I would flirt with her more the next time for sure. — I was wandering around Walmart. I decided my wardrobe needed to be upgraded. Some of the shirts I wore on a regular basis were starting to look a little worse for wear. The store was. Maybe buzzed a little? Naw, I didn’t drink that much last night. Weird.The candies make a little scattering rattle when I toss them to the desk absentmindedly. Oh yeah, I gotta do something. I gotta take the unused portion and, wait huh?I pick up the package and re-read the back. The guarantee. I need to call that number. Makes total sense, they were stale as pale ale, I should get my 80 cents back.So I call.“Welcome to Dowling Dreams Candy Company, where we guarantee satisfaction for every taste. If you are calling about a product you were not satisfied with, please press one.”beep“Enter the serial number on the back of the package below the guarantee number now.”Okay, got it.“If you are male press 1, if you are female press 2.”I press 2 absently. Weird, why ask that?“Enter your age followed by the pound key now.”Right, I can do that. They probably need that for tracking ... something. Whatever.“Please hold and a customer care agent will be on the line.”Okay, guess this is going to.
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