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Instead of being labeled on and off, the switch is labelled ‘IN’ and ‘OUT’ at the extremes whereas the middle position is labelled ‘OFF’. The switch is in the middle position. You walk back to the bathroom to spit and rinse. You feel refreshed and stretch out on the bed, in towel, to watch the bottom of the 2nd inning of the game. Grounder to short, 3rd out. During the commercial break, your eye wanders and you notice a picture hanging above the bed. You get off the bed for a closer look. It appears to be a group photo of the company staff. It is not dated but is captioned ‘Community is Family, Family is Community’. To the right of the photo and to the left of the giant mirror is a speaker panel with four buttons, three labelled with the same options as the light switch on the other side of the mirror. Here, the IN button is depressed. The commercial still has not ended to start the next inning, so out of curiosity you are tempted to see what these buttons and switches do. What to. Look, you should first understand that I feel that I am socially awkward. I don't date a lot anymore. Technically, it's been about 7 months since I was last with ... since I last had sex. I've been ... taking care of my needs myself as ... as needed. Look, this isn't a comfortable conversation for me." I am sorry, Frank. If I was able to do so, I would be happy to make myself sexually available to you." Wait, what? No, back up. Analysis of your last statement. Why did you make that theoretical offer?" I have observed that an offer of help is the polite thing to do, even if such help is not physically possible. Since I asked an inappropriate question, I wished to apologize and offer social restitution for my offense." I appreciate the offer, and I'll have to see about getting you some appropriate female voice samples to use in the future instead of this synthesized crap. Let's hold off on any sex conversations for a couple weeks and work a bit on your social protocols."Alpha.
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