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Then he started doing stuff that would make me a little uncomfortable. He would "accidentally" walk in on me when I would be changing and when I would do something small like put a glass in the dishwasher he would give me a kiss almost on the mouth just for doing that. Then he started doing really big stuff and it only got better. One day I was setting by my self. My mom was out as usual in her more than full time work, everything was normal. He came down stairs and said to me "I just read this thing that said teenage girls feel the best desire with their loving fathers." I said "really?" I knew it was the time "so?"He looked at me and he almost looked upset. I went to sleep that night and was awakened to find my dad touching my waist. I didn't know what to say and he looked like he didn't know what to say, but then he said " I was just checking to see if there was anything wrong with your sweet body, because I know you don't think well what I told you if there was anything you want. Control allows us access to the next bottle, the next high. Give up that control and you give up…you give up your life. Not a great life, I’ll admit. But it was mine. And it wasn’t all that bad.So no, I didn’t give up control a lot. I like to be able to get a handle on things that could affect my consistent routine. I work, I play, I drink. If I have a relationship, she has to fit in the play or the drink arena. Disrupt either one of those, and I give my middle finger salute and move on to someone else. But Candy was more than my just giving up control. She was a mystery. And a fucking good one at that!I couldn’t figure her out, and I wanted to do that almost more than I wanted another drink.“Why do you want all this? What’s in it for you?” I asked, finally able to slip in some courage. The look in her eye told me that I hadn’t asked permission to utter that question.But fuck it. I imagine that if she were to stab me for asking a question, at least I’d get some rest in the hospital..
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