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Suddenly he lets out an almighty ear-splitting shriek.He turns to Jane and says "Jane, if I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times ... GRAB! THE! VINE!!!"-- and two that go togetherQ: Why do elephants paint their balls red?A: So they can hide in apple trees.Q: How did Tarzan die?A: Picking apples.Building PermitSome have asked what I've been doing in retirement. Well, I applied for a building permit for a new house.It was going to be 100 ft. tall and 400 ft. wide, with 12 gun turrets at various heights, and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars, and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.The City Council told me; "Forget it ... AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN!"So, I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a "Mosque."Work starts on Monday. And here is the best part, it's going to be tax exempt!I love this country. It's the government that scares the shit out of me!This one is compliments of. "I felt kind of relieved, although I said I was sorry and I thought she was an amazing woman. That satisfied her, and we had a casual ride to the airport, with Amy talking non-stop about all the things she had seen and done that week. We sat quietly at the gate, however, but when she was about to board her flight she gave me a peck on the cheek and said, "I guess I've taught you some things. Use them wisely."She walked down the jetway and out of my life. I didn't even wait to see her plane take off. I never figured out if that final remark was condescending, arrogant, or just touching and sweet. Maybe a combination of all of the above.An interesting post-script: The step-stool Amy bought when she visited I still had when I got married years later. My wife just started using it, never asking me where I got it, and simply accepting that I had it around and just liking it to use to reach high places when I'm not there. It's still around the house 25 years later, and my daughters have.
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